Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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