Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
