no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
