I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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