I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We left the knife in your bed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
