I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize