he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
