I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
