I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
