I will die if light touches me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize