So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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