I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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