even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
