i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
