11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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