i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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