I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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