I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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