Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
