So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
