Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize