In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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