he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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