I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
