My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
