I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
