Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
