Im at strip club and am horny
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
