he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
