Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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