i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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