My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
NoShamevember. You game?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
