I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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