Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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