I puked a lego.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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