he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
