Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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