no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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