also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
