I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
