the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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