Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
