just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
