I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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