My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
