She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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