Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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