Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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