In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
