Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
