dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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