apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
