my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
