So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
