One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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