I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
