he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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