I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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