so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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