I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
