Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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