So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
