i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
