We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize