i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He? As in you personified your dick?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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