Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
