I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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