Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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