I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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