i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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