You work out of a Hotel?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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